STFU LOL!

“LOL” (the acronym for “Laughing Out Loud”) is the flashing warning buoy by which to help one steer clear of lazy minds.

You may wonder why I have such animosity against the use of LOL, ROFL, LMAO, and other internet slang. After all, it helps people communicate faster (typing “LOL” is obviously much faster than typing “Laughing Out Loud”) and makes it easier for people with big fingers to manage tiny cell-phone keyboards.

I don’t care. Call me a “H8r” if you want, but in a world overrun by acronyms, people short-cut the power and elegance of communicating, and the malaise of chatter like “LOL”, as far as I am concerned, debases language.

It is probably beside the point to note when someone uses what I consider the-brain-mush-feeder-response “LOL”, they are almost never actually laughing out loud. They are likely not laughing at all; they might be smiling, but probably nothing more. In other words, the acronym does not even mean what it is intended to mean–even the acronym is debased! (Let alone ROFL or LMAO; I have never in my life seen a person actually “rolling on the floor laughing” and I think I would be panic-stricken, terrified, and in need of an ambulance if I actually “laughed my ass off”.)

Recently, I have seen what I can only assume are mildly retarded people incite multiple LOL’s. At the end of a message exchange, for example, one might find this gem, “HA! You crack me up lol, lol, lol…”. The acronym is dumb by itself, but it seems outright stupid to repeat it as indication of something funnier than… funny? What does “lol, lol, lol” mean to its fanatics, anyway? Do these people literally laugh out loud, then stop, then laugh out loud again and stop, only to start laughing out loud yet again? A person doing so must look like a loon to whoever was watching. Is “lol, lol, lol” perhaps part of an obscure rating system? Did I get three “lol’s” out of five? Or is it 3 out of 10? I mean, how funny was my comment, according to the communication moron scale?

Is there any reason to indicate, via text, that you laughed out loud more than once?

Unless U really R a crazy loon like, say, Prince, please do not write in lazy acronyms to say what U mean. Consider this idiot speech—the lowest common denominator, the McDonald’s of communication.

If you wish to communicate, please use whole words; speak, write, or type intelligently, and actually think before spewing time-wasting chatter as I assume we are all busy people.

This could be a separate rant, but if you are on Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter, or other social networking sites, I beg of you…do not waste limited my time of life telling me about your grocery shopping, what time you woke up, what stupid thing your kid, your parent, or your friend did today, what you ate at the bar last night, how much you exercised this morning or partied last night, pictures of your meals, etc…

Tell me something interesting about yourself or your view on life, or impart information that is likely to be useful to me in some way.

And if someone says something funny, just say, “That’s funny” or “Ha ha”—the already universally accepted annotation for laughing. I mean really, “Ha ha” is only one letter more than “Lol”. I think you can handle that; I really do. By the way, in case you were wondering, as I wrote this, I was SQTM.

Smiling Quietly To Myself.

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Michael Salamey

People are made of many things, but only a few things define a person. For me, those things are Philosophy, Leadership, and Health. I help independently owned and ethically run businesses break through communication obstacles and challenge conventional thinking. Sometimes that means delivering insightful marketing content; sometimes it means having tough but compassionate conversations. All the time, it means communicating and building relationships with honesty and integrity. I am a vegan, an individualist, and occasionally a man willing to risk everything to reach a goal. I am known for being uncompromising in my values, and for being someone who dares to own his own life.

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